Wednesday, March 25, 2009

life is short.

today i take a moment to breathe.
i breathe a breath of relief.
a breath of pain comes in, a breath of life exhales.
a breath of panic and stress fills my lungs, and a breath of peace is released.

but on this day.
the air if filled with sadness, and overwhlemed with fear.
because today, i was handed a slice of reality.
today, someone very near to my heart passed away.
life wasnt finished, but death is stingy.
my childhood years will hold remembrance of who he was.
my prayers go out to you and your family cassie.

see, ive been lucky, i havent known loss in that way.
and it scares me because it is inevitable.
i know its coming, but there's no where to hide.
ive had close encounters and scarey moments,
all the same, i have been lucky.

im 22 years old. and i look back at how my life has hurried past me.
i remember wanting to be so grown up, so independent, so responsible.
now, all i can think about is how i should have played a little longer in the tree house,
how i should have rode my bike and little further,
i should have taken more pictures with my friends at more tea parties.

we try to rush through the stages of our lives to get the next level,
and when we get to that next level, we sit around and talk about the previous years.
it's so hard to live life in the moment you are given.
Im kicking my ass through school praying for graduation day, but for what?
only to wish i was back in school again?
each day is 24 hours worth of life, that we are blessed with.
24 hours to do with whatever you wish.
Im running in circles wondering why all my friends are married or getting married,
and i cant even admit to having a committment to someone in years.
And i see others get to their next level and im rushing and whining about where my secret passage is that gets me to my next phase of life.
i need to relax, i need to understand that i am only 22 years old. Life has not passed me by, i have not missed my opportunity.

my point is this.
on this day.
i am slowing down my life, i want to live in my stage of life as long as i can before i move on
to my next, so when i do go back and talk about how great those years 'used to be' .. i want to mean it. i want to be able to have something to talk about.

we arent promised forever, we arent even promised one minute after the next. life is here. life is short. and life only comes once for each of us, how do you want to spend it?

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